Moving from
out of balance, anxious, lonely, or angry ~
to steadily holding ourselves,
rewiring our self-relationship, and
carving out love from within.
🙏 🥰 🌿
I keep seeing this.
Transformation is possible.
Sure, but how?
People ask me, "Is it possible to get out of years of reactivity?" "Years of trauma?" "Years of anxiety and despair?" It might take some persistent attention. But it's possible.
Learning Self-Compassion is a MAJOR piece of the puzzle.
Self-compassion is a loving, accepting way that we talk to ourselves, and how we respond to our negative thoughts. (To heal emotional pain, we also need other pieces, like a healthy lifestyle, including quality time with nature.)
For many people, it is HARD to be kind inside the mind.
If we weren't raised hearing this kind of dialogue, it might take time to build a consistently kind internal monologue.
So if you struggle with self-compassion--- or don't even know HOW to cultivate self-compassion--- I hope you find hope knowing that it is both innately in our psyche to be compassionate, AND can be developed with practice.
"Recent neuroscience studies suggest that positive emotions are less heritable—that is, less determined by our DNA—than the negative emotions. Other studies indicate that the brain structures involved in positive emotions like compassion are more “plastic”—subject to changes brought about by environmental input. So we might think about compassion as a biologically based skill or virtue, but not one that we either have or don’t have. Instead, it’s a trait that we can develop in an appropriate context." - The Compassionate Instinct (https://divinenaturetherapy.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=6becc4ae8f9ddcc84f3858f72&id=bf049f1cf8&e=67f3d21812)
So after reading many journal articles and books about collectively healing our pain- often from our childhood wounds- I zeroed in on a great workbook. It's based in scientifically researched meditations, breathing exercises, and thoughts. If you know me, you know I love when studies help us see which spiritual-based practices are really effective for many people.
While everyone’s history and future path is unique, and while our experiences need various embodied processes, there is a major common denominator. Most of us need more self-love. Self-love grows by practicing self-compassion.
If you feel bad about yourself or parts of your life, I lead a class and practice group ~ Self-Love for Folks of UnderAffirming Parents.
🙏 🥰 🌿
If our parents were overly critical, emotionally abusive, not present enough, or some form of under-affirming, we retain scars of their message: we're not worthy of deep love. We truly are, but it takes work to fully realize it. In addition to facilitating group reflection on the Self-Compassion Workbook, I'll show how we can listen deeply and lovingly to our truths and model an empathic self-talk of kindness and acceptance. Read more about my class on my page DivineNatureTherapy.com/about-emotional-counseling.
You could do the work book on your own. You could rent the book from your local public library or through interlibrary loan, or purchase it online.
The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive, by Kristin Neff: https://a.co/d/btp2o2s (https://divinenaturetherapy.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=6becc4ae8f9ddcc84f3858f72&id=1a9f1209fe&e=67f3d21812)
This book contains many of the exercises I teach in individual sessions because many people struggle with it.
This book is based on scientific research of practices that are shown to help reduce anxiety, increase self-acceptance and stress tolerance, and also grow compassion for others.
It's NOT about self-esteem, which can fluctuate with how well we are "accomplishing" life and in comparison to other's achievements around us.
It's NOT about putting ourselves first and ignoring everyone else's needs.
It's NOT about achieving an individual solution to a community problem- we actually all need community-love in addition to self-love, and community-care in addition to self-care.
It's NOT about feeling lovey and happy all the time. Compassion is awareness of all our feelings and thoughts, and creating more kindness toward ourselves, whatever our feelings and thoughts may be.
THIS IS A PIECE of the PUZZLE, one that helps us
REGULATE our EMOTIONS (feel them but not let them dominate us)
&
HOLD SPACE for our truths in the context of wider life realities.
Which brings us to feeling more self-love and inner peace.
How does compassion work in the brain?
Humans are wired for compassion and empathy. But we're also wired with a negativity bias that likes to collude, and sometimes our fight/flight/freeze response gets too active. We need to be aware of what is happening inside of us, and our options to respond, shift, and transform.
"The power of self-compassion is not just an idea; it’s very real and actually manifests in our bodies. When we soothe our own pain, we are tapping into the mammalian care-giving system. And one important way the care-giving system works is by triggering the release of oxytocin. Research indicates that increased levels of oxytocin strongly increase feelings of trust, calm, safety, generosity and connectedness and facilitates the ability to feel warmth and compassion for ourselves. ...Because thoughts and emotions have the same effect on our bodies whether they’re directed to ourselves or to others, this research suggests that self-compassion may be a powerful trigger for the release of oxytocin.
Self-criticism appears to have a very different effect on our body..."
-Dr. Kristin Neff (https://divinenaturetherapy.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=6becc4ae8f9ddcc84f3858f72&id=6187ff74d1&e=67f3d21812) , "The Chemicals of Care: How Self-Compassion Manifests in Our Bodies"
We need happy brain chemicals in our lives. And we need them in balance. Many of us are low in some areas, and some of us try to overcompensate with dopamine, which is good in the right amount but damaging when it dominates.
Books like Dopamine Nation (https://divinenaturetherapy.us10.list-manage.com/track/click?u=6becc4ae8f9ddcc84f3858f72&id=66eafd0e1d&e=67f3d21812) by Anna Lembke, MD, explain why:
"This book is about pleasure. It’s also about pain. Most important, it’s about how to find the delicate balance between the two, and why now more than ever finding balance is essential. We’re living in a time of unprecedented access to high-reward, high-dopamine stimuli: drugs, food, news, gambling, shopping, gaming, texting, sexting, Facebooking, Instagramming, YouTubing, tweeting . . . The increased numbers, variety, and potency is staggering.
The smartphone is the modern-day hypodermic needle, delivering digital dopamine 24/7 for a wired generation. As such we’ve all become vulnerable to compulsive overconsumption."
So in our support group, we talk about how we have been managing our emotional pain, and how we want to create a happier brain with the activities we consciously choose. We'll focus on how self-compassion can be part of our daily lives as a love-producer and a stabilizer.
And because I love nature and nature loves us, we'll especially include how nature can help heal us and be part of our life-change toward inner fulfillment.
Your inner wholeness is already becoming. I'd love to foment it.
Om and shalom,
Shannon
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