3 Ways AI makes me Anxious: and why I still use it sometimes

AI uses so much energy

In my county and the one to the north, boards and citizens are debating about the legality and ethics of building a data center. No one who cares about the environment and our health wants a data center. Yet, most people are using AI which depends on lots of energy. Without legislation governing limits on AI, individual free reign is difficult. On a societal level, we are caught in a pickle.

On a personal level, the pickle is also bumpy.

I read Tad Hargrave’s article on AI recently and thought, “Wow, this is mostly how I feel. Decisions around AI are complicated. It’s not easy. I would like to be completely out of using it, but it’s everywhere. And my current vocational stream- and subsistence- involves it.” (You can see the details of his article here.)

The point I would add to his is:

if you dedicate your life to staying completely away from AI,

it will consume you.

Will that be worth it?

For a select few, perhaps yes.

For me and many others, no.

My life is dedicated to realizing deep inner love that holds peace around all pain.

I burn, I rage, I weep pus from wounds. I’m not sure this will stop. My goal is not to have it stop, but to hold myself in peace, compassion, and the Love of the Witness (divine consciousness) through it all. I am not 100% there, but I’m on this path. It’s a lovely journey.

Now Back to AI~if I spent all my time researching, strategizing, and griping about how to avoid AI, my life would paradoxically become about AI.

I want my life to be about this love, not about avoiding AI.

And to love myself and others in this bad*ss way, I can’t spend too much time avoiding AI.

Again, for some other people, spending lots of time stopping data centers from over using our water supply is a FANTASTIC vocation. We need environmental activists. I’m grateful for them. They are living out another form of love. It’s just not my exact calling.

When I become aware of an AI involvement in my work or life that I didn’t know was happening, I pause to consider what to do. It does hurt my heart a bit, because I want nature and humans to remain as biodiverse as possible and not be endangered or extinguished by technology.

Here’s what I do:

1. Learn from (and sometimes follow) folks I dearly respect.

Example: several friends or acquaintances switched from Gmail to Protonmail, and I asked why. Then I researched it a bit. But I mostly follow based on my respect for their life choices. I follow when it makes sense and because I trust them. And because if it turns out to be a less good choice, it’s likely not much worse.

(I had a friend lament the purchase of an all-electric car in effort to not burn gas, when he learned years later that a part of it was made by forced/enslaved children.)

2. Spend 5-15 minutes researching new options, then cut myself off from rabbit holes.

Example: If I start using Metricool, what are the effects of that? What are the external energy costs (how much AI is in it?), and how does my mind and body feel working with it? What could I do that is offline and in person to get a similar outcome?

3. Opt out of upgrades.

Anytime something is working really well, and there’s an AI upgrade, I just click no.

(And when I see the constant lures: “type a few words here and we’ll write your next blog post for you,” I say no, no, no.)

4. Use AI for things I think are “worth it.”

When I need to find information and I don’t think it will be a simple Google answer, I consider using AI. I do a gut-check, since the science isn’t readily available: Would my use of a quick AI search likely generate the information I need, and thought it will use precious energy, save that amount or more of my precious energy so I can feed my energy back into holistic living?

“A single AI search or text prompt uses roughly 0.24 to 0.34 watt-hours (Wh) of electricity, which is about 10 times more energy than a traditional keyword search.” According to Google AI.

Therefore, if I’m unlikely to find something in 10 keyword searches, would it make sense to use AI?

Task Complexity: Generating images or video consumes substantially more energy than a basic text summary. I don’t make images or videos with AI. Occasionally I slightly edit a photo or reel, and if the editing software uses AI, I’m sorry.

5. Notice how I feel afterward.

When I first started Substack, I used chatgpt to lightly edit some articles. I sat with it afterward, to notice how I felt. How do I feel about the article content? How do I feel about posting it as “me”? How do I feel weeks later about it?

Then I hired a human editor to lightly edit my articles. I sat with it afterward, to notice how I felt. How do I feel about the article content? How do I feel about posting it as “me”? How do I feel weeks later about it?

Now I have no editor. Again, I ask myself how I feel about it.

This noticing helps inform me in the future as I continue to make decisions.

6. Be transparent when it might make a difference.

I wouldn’t have AI write an email to a friend or client. I want people to read the authentic me. Now, if I need to use AI for something that’s not my personal thoughts, I might do so but also tell the recipient.

Another View on How to Decide

Beks Abrams said in a presentation about the AI Goldrush, “The goal is not more technology. The goal is the right technology, in the right place, with the right human judgement around it.” 

I agree.

She also said, “Emerging technology rewards responsible experimentation more than waiting for perfect certainty.”

In my general approach to life, I agree. Life is experimentation and learning. And, some people may question whether any “reward” for using AI is worth it. If your business or dating life gets better because of AI, but humanity becomes super-stressed, tortured, or non-existent, then perhaps the reward was really a bait to death.

If you’re curious, her perspective on implementation is:

Under the Automate column, I would add “environmentally sustainable.”

I have experimented with how I want AI in my life in small ways, in the areas I feel most confident electing. Since AI technology and regulations are both still in development, it’s hard to know what will unfold.

Three ways AI makes me anxious:

1. I do more fact checks than I used to.

I question myself and double check my writing. In this technological world, it’s bringing back perfectionist tendencies that I left behind years ago. I’m not paranoid, but these thoughts run through my head a lot more often now:

Is what I’m saying totally accurate? Is someone gonna find out I’m wrong about something and think I’m stupid, or that I’m an imposter? What if they think I don’t know my stuff?

My mind thinks: I better double check and see what AI says about an opinion I have. It’s weird. I am entitled to an opinion different from AI, and different from Mary, Juan, or anyone else. Different opinions are rooted in their views. Also, it’s okay to be wrong sometimes. I think I’m generally smart. Communication is not about being a dictionary, it’s about being uniquely you. And everyone is wrong sometimes, as we learn new things we didn’t know before.

2. I wonder~ can I be 100% authentic and contend with people who are using AI?

My business model mostly runs on genuine referrals, direct honest communication, and slow growth. If other businesses are using AI to reach the same potential clients I seek, can I trust that referrals or the Spirit will still connect me with the people I’m meant to serve?

I may lose in the information rat race. Or get swallowed up or ignored. Occasionally when I worry, “Will the people who want authenticity even be able to find me in an ocean of mega-production?” I tell myself, “If it comes to a point when you can’t do the work you love because of AI competition, ask Spirit for help in which direction to go and what to do.”

3. I worry~ What if I use it too much, and then can’t get away from it?

A small part of me worries, “But what if you get sucked in, and can’t get away from it?” We can get addicted to internet experiences, but more than that, our livelihoods can get so codependent with unhealthy elements.

I’ll do my best to stay aware of its influence, while living out my purpose. And surrender the rest.

Conclusion

I don’t really want AI, but I can’t control its infiltration into my life, and I probably won’t try to opt completely out of it.

I’m starting to think of AI use like car use: everyone almost needs it to survive/thrive.

There was a time in my life when I walked to work, biked to get groceries, and occasionally took the bus to another part of town. I only drove my car once a month or so to places out of state to visit my family and go to conferences.

Then I had a kid, and without intensive community around me, I needed to use my car more regularly. Then I moved to the country and drove to town 6 days a week. I still plan my routes for the shortest or most efficient gas use. I long to carpool more. But I am no longer called to be a car-less person in the Midwest.

I will resist AI, I will avoid it, and when I need it to enrich my and others’ lives, I will live with it.

I seek to stay versatile and free as much as possible, while being as responsible as possible. Enshallah.

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© Shannon Gorres, 2026. Written by a human, not AI or chatGPT. Please contact me to request permission before sharing. I will give you permission to share sections of it when you include "by Shannon Gorres, www.DivineNatureTherapy.com"

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